I Refuse To Believe You
by Silk and Flowers
Summary: Sigyn and Loki. After the events of Thor 2. Asgard has been searching for Sigyn after Loki's death and are unable to find her. Half mad with grief and hiding on Earth, Sigyn wanders, trying to get away from her grief and Loki despite the visions she has about him. But when Thor returns to Midgard, everything is thrown into chaos. Involves characters from the movies and the Avengers
1. Chapter 1

**Whilst trying to write for my other story "Dreams and Mysteries" this came into my mind and I had to write it. Sorry about the summary, I'm really not good at those! Hope you enjoy this :) I would love to know what you guys think!**

So this was what it felt like to truly be on the losing side of a battle.

The room smelt of sweat and the sharp tang of adrenaline. Figures clad in black covered the room in a semi circle facing the wall. Against it Natasha Romanoff's wild red hair flew as she battled person after person, fiercely trying to protect the fallen Clint Barton breathing shallowly behind her. More figures poured into the room, jumping from the tiny ledge set at the opposite end of the long narrow room and joining the battle with sinister smiles.

It was originally just a routine mission. Clint and Natasha had only brought their basic weapons to what seemed to be an abandoned warehouse, expecting to be back at SHIELD Headquarters in an hour, two at the most. They had crept in and swept the room for people and objects, seeing nothing but the empty ledge at the edge of the room. Clint had turned to Natasha, smiling. "I guess we can knock off early tonight then." Natasha gave a rare smile back, both of them missing the bullet flying towards them and embedding itself in Clint's back.

In one swift manoeuvre, Natasha dragged him quickly behind her, firing her gun at the person running towards her with a hand not as steady as she would have liked. Natasha was not the type of woman to cry and scream in an emergency, but at that moment it felt as though something was pressing on her lungs and her head was swimming with something peculiar as her body curved protectively over Clint's. The chaos of a fight quickly ensued, the sheer number of people wearing down Natasha's energy and skill.

"This is it." She thought, throwing a knife at someone trying to attack Clint from the side of them. "I'm really going to die." The sharp clarity of battle heightened her senses and slowed time, and as if in a dream she saw one of the people near the front aim a gun at her heart and knew it wouldn't miss. Just as he was about to fire, a knife whirled through the air and landed in the person's head. Natasha's first thought was that Clint had recovered and her heart leapt with a strange joy. Turning to look at him for a split second, however, she saw that his eyes were closed and he was lying crumpled on the floor. Bemused, Natasha looked back at the battle to see that everywhere bodies were falling and throwing knives were being thrown with a fast skill. The echo of gunshots rang through the room and on the balcony more people fell. The last body was kicked off by a sharp high heel and Natasha got a glimpse of a figure covered in an emerald hooded cloak, tied in such a way that their saviour's face was hidden. The person turned to run away and Natasha just saw a blonde curl before the person was gone, as though they had never been there.

Giving chase, Natasha ran through the bodies and scaled the long wall before rolling forward onto the ledge. She could see a set of stairs in front of her and ran down those, entering a room so shocking in appearance she stopped dead. There was a pool of something red and dark and horrible in the middle of the floor, and Natasha knew by the smell that it was blood. Lines of the stuff ran down the walls and feeling something wet on her shoe, Natasha looked down and saw it was also running along the floor. She stumbled backwards and watched as the pool deepened and widened, before throwing off such a bright light she had to shield her eyes. When she was able to open them again, the pool had disappeared and the room looked exactly like the one she had just left. A sudden ringing in her ears and sharp pains in her side made themselves known and she looked down, startled, at the blood now flowing from her stomach. She looked back up to see the figure from before running towards her, a voice shouting words she could no longer comprehend. She crumpled into the person's arms, the last thing her mind registering the smell of lavender.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: Thank you for bearing with me! Here's finally the second chapter :)**

The medical team was swarming around the fallen two and Sigyn snuck away from behind the post she was hiding, shaking hard. She managed to slip noiselessly through the door and she ran, not looking behind her. She was still wearing Loki's cloak and she pulled it closer to her, comforting herself with the faint familiar scent of him. The annoying Midgardian shoes clicked and twisted her ankles as she finally raced up the stairs to her apartment, slamming the door shut behind her. She slid to the floor in shock at what she had just done.

"Stupid, stupid to draw attention to yourself like that." she muttered to herself, staring wide eyed at her broken shoes and scraped legs where she had climbed that ledge. She had acted on instinct when she had heard a scream on her way home, her sharp Asgardian ears picking out the sound in the abandoned warehouse across the road. She fervently hoped that she had tied the cloak sufficiently enough that her face wasn't seen during the battle, and winced as she realised the deep cut she had sustained on her arm.

She finally understood what Loki had meant about a battle high. Her veins were singing, her head clearer than it had been in weeks. But with that clarity came more intense grief, crushing and cold in her chest, and she clutched at her heart, suddenly afraid that she was dying.

Six months. Six months since she had arrived on Midgard, bloody and grief stricken, and it hadn't gotten easier. People said that when someone they loved died, at first it was almost impossible to go on, but over time it became bearable.

The price for living almost forever, Sigyn thought bitterly, was probably that it never got bearable.

No one had ever known about herself and Loki. For the best part of a century they had crept around people, and no one had realised the daughter of Iwaldi and the son of Odin were anything more than friends. She had comforted him as he learnt he was a Jotun and to her alone he had told some of his plans. When he had fallen she had had to bury her grief in the judging eyes of the kingdom and weep alone. She had bottled up her grief and anger and grown weaker and weaker until one day in the woods, she snapped, screaming and crying. She collapsed and was brought back up to the castle where she lay in a delirious fever for almost a week. When she finally felt well again, the kingdom was reeling from the news that Loki was in a war against the fragile Midgard. Her heart had broken at the words, but her love did not. She had stayed faithful to him even when he returned and was imprisoned, sneaking in to see him at night. She had stood there as he hurled scathing insults at her, screaming and barely coherent. Broken and scarred, she had helped him, and gradually he became more like her Loki once more.

And then he was ripped away from her again.

When the news came that Loki had died, truly this time, she knew she could not take it. Not again. She was constantly hearing his voice and seeing him in her dreams and she knew she was going mad and it was too much. She could not survive grief again. She had prepared her bag and the enchantments necessary to leave Asgard when a summons came from the All-Father for her presence in the Throne Room.

Her phone rang, snapping Sigyn out of her memories. Sigyn jumped and stood up shakily, kicking off the broken shoes as she walked towards it. The first time she had held a mobile phone and it had rung, she had screamed and sent a spark of magic towards it so strong that it had blown up half of the technology shop. A lot of glamours, walking around shaking for an hour, and a kind technician in a different shop later she could use one, but she was still wary of them. She picked the phone up and held it to her ear. "Hello?"

"Sera?" The voice belonged to Pepper Potts, and it was currently strained and anxious. "I am sorry to bother you, but I need you to come in to the office straight away. Tony and I have an emergency to get to and the situation with the towers can't be left alone-"

"It is alright, I am on my way. I will be there as soon as I can be." Sigyn quickly changed her skirt for trousers and pulled out a jumper, concealing the injuries, and put on different shoes as she talked. Sigyn liked Pepper Potts, respected her. When she had applied for the job at Stark Industries, Sigyn had used a fake name and an edited version of how she had ended up in America, but when the stern woman had enquired about relatives and Sigyn had told her shakily that she was a widow, Pepper had dropped the business attitude and offered her condolences. The two had then talked about personal life, and Sigyn had left the interview with a job and her first friend on Midgard.

"Thank you Sera. Thank you so much. I have to go, but I'll be back soon."

"Do not worry Pepper, I will take care of everything."

Sigyn hung up the phone, took a shaky breath and walked out of the door, hoping that the block of grief in her chest would ease slightly as she went.


End file.
